Whenever I have to do anything in public, a reading, a performance, speaking, anything, it scares me so much that I want to leave the country. And, on the other hand, when I don’t do anything that scares me, life seems too tame. So I have no choice – I have to put my work out into the world and risk rejection and risk shame.
Speaking of shame, I’m reading a great book by Brene Brown called “The Gifts of Imperfection.” The subtitle is “Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.”
I’m very excited about the reading of my play and I’m also scared to death. And I love that the actors are cast and the director is terrific and the theater is perfect and everyone’s doing their jobs and all I really have to do at this point is show up. Which is not an easy thing, especially when a trip to Borneo is on my mind. Where is Borneo exactly?
Last week, starting on Sunday when I went up to Great Barrington for the first read through (although actually, recalling that – it was very difficult.) The first read through didn’t go so well and the lead actor, Amy, came up to my room and we went through the whole script, so actually the week was a roller coaster, or as my friend Jodi says, it was like surfing.
The reading of the show on Wednesday night was great – I really enjoyed watching the amazing actors work. And they inspired me for my own show, although I have to say Thursday night was easy and fun (although….terrifying) and Saturday was pretty good and tonight was hard. I felt like I didn’t do well at all, but you know it’s not really about me. That’s what I try to remember. If one person in the audience got something good out of it, that’s all that matters.
I’ll write more soon, I just want to say that I am so grateful for now remembering that this week was fantastic and not easy.