A few years ago I thought that I had gone through some tough times and that life would spare me at least for awhile. But now I know there is no sparing — there are, in the course of every year, beautiful, joyous times AND really bad, difficult times.
This year was no exception.
The beautiful joyous times were simple days of spending time with my daughter, Zoe, with friends, traveling around the country and a trip to Dublin, all for work. Riding my bike along the Hudson in the summer and taking long walks in Central Park in every season.
There was a visit to Emily’s house in the country — bittersweet because of her absence, but still pleasurable.
My play performed at the Beckett Theater this year, with friends from all areas of my life, old friends, new friends, everyone showing up to see it and lend support. And a cast and crew of the most wonderful people and the challenges that go along with every creative project.
There was the grief of losing my best friend, Lucy, my beloved beagle, who was with me for 13 years and who died at 17 years of age. I miss her daily and am deeply grateful for having had her for all those years. She was truly a faithful companion.
I’m grateful that my ex husband and I were able to forgive each other and start up a new… friendship. I would not have imagined this a few years ago, but forgiveness is a powerful tool — and cancer seems to completely change the landscape. He really showed up for a harrowing summer and survived and we are all so grateful.
2013 ends quietly… I feel that life has forced so many of us to seek comfort in being quiet, by going within.
One of my favorite pieces of advice I heard recently came from the playwright Tracy Letts: spend at least 30 minutes a day staring at the wall, or looking out the window. I don’t have much of a view, but I think I will start at my wall and give thanks for this past year and gratitude for the coming one. Just being alive is reason enough to be celebrate.
Emily Squires’ pond in Lake Ariel, Pa. August 2013.