Well, I have to say, thanks to the wonders of the telephone, what started out to be a pretty depressing night, turned out to be quite fun. I’m alone tonight – my apartment mate Abigail went to see “Wicked” with the company who’s staying here. So I’ve been home alone with my two dogs and I spent the night on the phone with several friends, who were also home and we laughed and I was able to remember just how grateful I am for friends and for my new home and for all the blessings in my life.
I’ve been listening to music and really enjoying how beautiful our living room looks – I promise to add a photo soon. My camera died and I have to get a new one, so I’m looking around for an inexpensive point and shoot camera.
I’m looking forward to our little Thanksgiving gathering tomorrow – no family, just friends – and plenty of good food. I am so grateful just to be alive and to have survived a pretty rough year.
As Cy O’Neal said to me in Friends In Deed, and my friend Joe said the same thing tonight: I have a blank canvas and I am now starting to fill it with everything that I desire: caring friends, a lovely home, my dogs, an always loving relationship with my daughter (even when she’s WORKING and BUSY), writing, my community, an interesting future.
I’m grateful to have this blog to write and for living in a great city, a city I love, filled with so many fascinating people. In February, I’ll be whining about the cold, but for tonight – it’s quite perfect.
Every morning I read a few daily readers and this morning, in One Day At a Time in Alanon, I read this entry, which I thought was worth sharing:
“Here’s an eye-opening, mind-opening, question to ask myself: What am I doing with what I’ve got? Instead of crying over what I don’t have, and wishing my life were different, what am I doing with what I’ve got?
Am I so sure I’m doing everything possible to make my life a success? Am I using my capabilities well? Do I recognize and appreciate all I have to be grateful for?
Actually I am the possessor of unlimited resources. The more I do with them, the more they will grow, to overshadow and cancel out the difficult and painful aspects that now get so much of my attention.
Isn’t my life full of potential good that I’m not using? Couldn’t I bring it to fruition by changing my attitude? As a beginning, I will apply liberal amounts of gratitude for even my littlest advantages and pleasures. When I build on this precious foundation of present, tangible good, things will continue to change for the better.
God, make me grateful for all the good things I have been taking for granted.”
Life is definitely interesting now. I’m feeling both excitement and fear simultaneously. I think it’s all perfect and I’m focusing on the gratitude I have for my community of friends. And my dogs.
I am looking forward to Obama’s speech tonight on health care. I hope that enough people who are in favor of universal coverage will rise up and let Congress know that we will not tolerate living in a country that cannot offer quality health care to ALL its citizens.
Last night I felt, for the first time, that I really loved standing in front of an audience and that as scary as it was, the pleasure factor, the ability to make people laugh and tell a story was so much fun that I actually enjoyed myself. I ACTUALLY ENJOYED MYSELF.
I have to repeat that because tomorrow, a few hours before I have to get up there and do it again, I will be thinking about leaving the country and wondering why I put myself through this really scary shit.
Several people came over to me afterward and told me how I had either captured their families, or were dealing with parents who are sick, or kids or whatever. And the laughs were there – although I know it always depends on each audience and that I just have to work with whatever is happening each night. So I have tonight off and I will rehearse. Zoe’s here, going through her things and I will help her this afternoon.
I figured out the ending for “Scrambled Eggs.” I also think maybe it should just be “Eggs.” But I can’t wait to sit down next week after all of this crazy stuff is over and start a re-write.
For today, I am grateful for all the good that is happening in my life and even though there’s plenty to worry about, and feel sad about, there’s also a lot to be excited about. I guess that’s life.
It is hard to go through a separation and there is plenty in my life to feel sadness and fear. But I also know that there are far more difficult challenges in life. Challenges that have to do with life and death, loss of people we love, fear of our own mortality. I guess suffering brings us closer to God, if we believe in that – and if we don’t, I think we find something we can believe in – taking care of our bodies, meditation, yoga, whatever helps and gives us comfort.
I feel very much a part of humanity now, very much in the moment, the pleasure of a beautiful spring day, time spent with my dogs in the park. Whatever I can find that gives me comfort, I am appreciating. And I am filled with gratitude for the people and four legged friends I have in my life.
Well, the sun is shining so that’s a good way to start the week. I haven’t written in a long time and honestly, it’s because I haven’t had anything particularly interesting or entertaining to say. I’ve also been suffering from lack of employment, marital stress, parental insanity, the mess the world is in and winter blahs.
Also, one of my dear friends is starting a new regimen of chemo today. This is something like the umpteenth time. I guess the good news is that she’s alive, she hasn’t given up. She has throat cancer and though the doctors have been wanting to do a larynectomy for a long time, she has been firm in wanting to continue trying new treatments. I pray for her. She is a dear friend.
I think I’m also in the final stages of withdrawal from my obsession with Bush/Cheney and counting the days until they pack up and leave Washington. I read Maureen Dowd’s column yesterday and it made me hate Cheney even more than I did, which I wasn’t sure was possible.
I’m reminding myself to breathe and to remember all that I am grateful for. I’ll share a few things on my list:
1. My friends, family and my dogs (something I have in common with Mickey Rourke)
2. My health
3. My ipod
4. Spring is coming in something like 10 weeks
5. I stopped eating sugar a week ago and can fit comfortably into my jeans again
6. Also cut down on caffeine and have had fewer headaches
7. My mother has an aide and I don’t have to see her all the time (I’m being honest here)
10. A new administration
I don’t know if you’ve made a list lately, but it’s a good exercise. I try to do it at least once a week, even if I’m in a terrible mood.