Interesting – when I typed the title for this post, I accidentally typed “Letting god…” instead of “Letting go…” But honestly, I think it really should be letting god. This week has been a great exercise for me in trusting a higher something – some higher good – to show me what I need.
I started out the week feeling very overwhelmed at work, very frustrated about my life and very stuck. But I made a decision to just go with all the feelings, the sadness and the anger and just see where it led me. Monday, I emailed my neighbor, Louise, and asked her to read the Tarot cards for me (she’s in Connecticut for the summer.) She did a quick reading and reassured me that I need to sit tight. I have to say, I’m not a huge believer in psychics or cards, but somehow Louise always seems to nail it for me.
Then Tuesday, I went to a Big Group meeting at Friends In Deed and I saw a woman there who looked so familiar, but I couldn’t place her. She came over to me and said, “We know each other, don’t we?” But neither of us knew where we met until she told me her name, which is unusual, and then I realized we met at my first Mama Gena mastery. I remember her because she was very resistant, and at one point Regena had her dance with Alex, the teacher who comes to dance with many of the women and she looked like someone who hadn’t experienced any pleasure in years – until we saw her dancing. It was a memorable moment.
During the big group, someone shared that she was going through a really rough time – partner sick, having to spend the summer in Europe for medical treatment, knowing that she wouldn’t have the support of Friends In Deed except by phone, not having any friends there, and in her frustration she said, “I feel…I feel…like…like….scrambled eggs.” I was sitting between two friends who had both seen the reading of my play (twice) and we all laughed. Cy, the group leader, said at one point, “Here at FID we believe that there are two really important things in life – one is living in the moment and the other is speaking your truth.”
Then Wednesday night I went out and ran into two more Mama Gena friends (Sister Goddesses) and that was a lovely surprise. One of them had been to the reading and the other one said, “I can’t wait to see the play and we want to support you in any way we can.”
Yesterday, I received an email from Steve Chandler, author of “Fearless” and “Reinventing Yourself” – and many other books – but those are the two I read and re-read continuously. I had commented on a blog post he wrote about Jane Austen – he and a friend wrote a book about reading all of Austen’s books. I love Jane Austen too, so I commented – and I received an email from Steve saying he would love to send me the book! I was thrilled. His work has been enormously helpful and life-changing.
And then last night, I went to a goodbye/birthday party for my friend Barbara’s brother, David, who is moving to L.A. He and I share a special “badge” of loss – he went through a divorce, lost his mother, lost his job, had to move — and though his divorce was easier in some ways, divorce is never really easy. He just got hired to be the president of a company based in Los Angeles, so he’s excited about his future. I met some lovely people at the party – and came home to walk Lucy and as I was leaving the building, I ran into a neighbor and we chatted about Lola. More sadness came up and I felt bereft about this amazing creature who lived with me for nine years and who I miss so much it’s hard to even think about her without crying. And then I walked by Savoy, a wonderful restaurant on my block which is closing (for renovation and reinvention) and saw Beth – the director of Mama Gena’s School and I went inside to say hello. She introduced me to her neighbor, who had taken this Mastery and she thanked me for all my hard work.
Everyone hugged each other – including the owner of Savoy – and I went home feeling so grateful for all the people in my life, and all the new people I keep meeting, and for that strange higher power that leads me from despair to pleasure to sadness to hope to enlightenment — and never abandons me. I feel especially grateful this week.