I just looked back at this blog and saw that on August 5, 2009, my daughter, Zoe, and ex, Steve packed up the car and left our family home (the most recent one – we’d moved about three times in previous five years.) I remember the feelings I had that day, it was probably one of the lowest points of my life. I had just lost my mother and now my family was breaking apart.
So here I am one year later. It’s been an incredible year of magical thinking, I guess you could say. Many miracles and many life lessons have occurred. A one year anniversary is significant in that it is a measure of the first Thanksgiving without your family, the first birthday, Christmas and Hanukah, a long series of firsts. Surviving these events, going through all the feelings that come up, starts to gradually make you feel stronger.
I am so grateful for the way this year has unfolded and for all the positive changes in my life. I have a wonderful home in Manhattan with the nicest loftmate in the world. My dogs are still here with me and although they are both old, and not doing all that well, they have given me so much love, it would have been much harder without them. (And it was also hard with them — walking four times a day most days, in the winter, in the heat – not an easy job.) They are pretty famous in the neighborhood, particularly Lola.
I am close to having a job, at least a freelance one. I don’t want to talk about it yet, but it’s something that I am very excited about – and I hope will work out. Zoe is doing really well in San Francisco. I’ve met some very nice men. I’ve learned so much about life just by sitting in Friends In Deed for the past year. I’ve kept up my meditation practice, as imperfect as it is. I’ve started running again and although recently my knee has been bothering me, I’ve kept it up and am working on building up the muscles around my knees. Exercise has really helped. We are getting closer to resolving our divorce and hopefully that will happen soon. I wish Steve well, I am tired of fighting and look forward to someday having all of this in the past.
My friends have sustained me and I don’t even have the words to say how grateful I am.