A year ago I was spending ten or so days in Spain with my husband, on one of the best trips of our life together. Now we are separated and I am spending a week with my daughter here in NY. It hasn’t stopped raining for a few days, but it has been wonderful to see Zoe and be with the dogs. Tonight we are going to a seder at an old friend’s home and it happens to be right upstairs. Zoe wanted to go to a seder and I’m so grateful to my friend Barbara, who is also inviting my friend Mona, who’s flying in today from Los Angeles. She reminded me that it is a mitvah (an act of human kindness) to have a stranger at the seder table. Most people often say, “I’m sorry I don’t have room” – but Barbara says “Bring anyone you know!” What a mensch.
Several people reminded me that going through divorce takes at least two years to start to come out the other side. I’m solidly stuck in the middle. Not miserable, but not exactly happy either. Some days are fine, great even, I feel on solid ground and doing my meditation, my spiritual practice, my gratitude lists, my awareness of how good my life is – how many friends I have – how much I love my two dogs and my roommate is literally AWESOME – and other times, I would like to crawl into bed and take some drug that would take away the pain. And then I remember Pema Chodron’s message, and pretty much everyone I read who says, feel it and it will pass. So today I am feeling it, allowing myself to grieve and to remember the good times we had, especially on our trip to Spain. A friend of mine told me that if you really feel the grief and let it pass through you, it probably won’t come out twenty years later in some other way.
I’m going to start taking an acting class in the next week and that will be an excellent outlet for the sadness.
Today, in Moscow there were subways bombings and more than three dozen people were killed. I wish I had something more cheerful to share today. At least Obama managed to get a health care bill passed last week! It’s not perfect, but it’s a good beginning.
There – something positive. And my daughter is sitting on the couch, a few feet away. A friend of mine came over yesterday and met her and he pronounced her quite terrific. And she is and I love her.