Sometimes I read what I wrote early in the morning and I think how pathetic is that? I really am doing okay, I just have periods of feeling blue. It’s totally natural and thanks especially to reading Pema Chodron, I know that it’s fine to feel the sadness. Usually, as the day progresses I start to feel better, or sometimes I have a good talk with someone and occasionally I get a bit emotional, but then I feel okay. This afternoon I went through boxes of old papers and threw piles of scripts away that I don’t need anymore and that felt good. Sometimes I just have to do something productive, even when I feel like wallowing in self-pity.
I do have to say that I looked at this blog from last year to see if my life was so much better – and actually it was worse. It was just when the stock market dropped over 770 points and everything seemed to be in freefall. We were in a huge world financial crisis, with the government taking over Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and banks and investment companies were failing. Sometimes it pays to look back and remember on top of all that, last year Sarah Palin was running for President. (Opps, I meant Vice President.) YUCK.
Although for me personally 2009 has been a difficult year, every year has its challenges.
I find Pema inspiring, as well. I’ve learned a great deal from her writings about not avoiding the pain, but to take a breath and lean in.
I’m sorry that you are going through this and happy to see that there are bright spots in your day. I am also thankful that you are writing about your experiences in such a way to show the rest of us what it is like to sit and feel the pain and discomfort and not try to avoid it by abusing other things and behaviors. You are doing good work. Thank you.
Does a cupcake count? I had one yesterday.
I’ve lost quite a bit of weight, so I figure it doesn’t hurt to have a treat now and then.