I should put on Linda Ronstadt like I used to, in my 20’s, and really wallow in how lonely I am these days. And actually, I’m no where near as lonely as I was back then, but it is a little strange after living with two other people most of the last 20 or so years, to be alone in a large loft with just my two dogs. We have some good conversations, but they never want to go to a movie or see a play.

Basically, my new life is starting, but not as quickly as I would like. I’d like to be back in Manhattan – by tonight – all unpacked and settled. I’d like to be really dating, not just going for coffees or talking on the phone. I’d like to find a good way to make money, because money is necessary and I like it. And if I had more, I could go to the theater, travel and do things that I really do enjoy, with friends or by myself.

I think it’s true that no matter how lonely you are when you’re alone, it can be less lonely than living with people.

I think I need to talk to myself more. “Robin, what would you like for dinner?” “Leftover eggplant parmiagiana.” “Sounds good. Let’s heat it up.” “Great.” “Dessert?” “Cookies?” “Perfect.”

I’m in season two of “The Wire” although I fell asleep during the second episode last night. I guess what I would love is more like an episode of “The Twilight Zone” — I would fall asleep watching the second season of “The Wire” and wake up a year later watching season six (did it run for six seasons?) …in a great apartment in Manhattan, with a new man in my life, madly in love, involved in some fantastic money making venture, Zoe is happy and thriving in San Francisco and I’m still thin. And a great new health plan has been passed, that has mandatory coverage for every American.

I think I’ll meditate on all of that. But first I have to walk the dogs.

One Thought on “I’m so lonely

  1. I’m sorry you’re feeling so lonely, but it makes for some great writing! I love that you talk to yourself. I hope you find the company as entertaining and lovely as we do!

    (ps: my word verification is “fiesti”, which from now on is going to be a word which means “to party with one’s self.)

    Love you Robin.

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