I am filled with so much gratitude this morning, for all the love and support I received yesterday. My friend Jodi said, “don’t be alone.” So, Barbara came over and spent the entire day with me. We talked and worked on a proposal I’m doing (with lots of help) and we sat in the park with the dogs, had lunch and talked with Zoe. Jodi also sent out an email to a group of friends about my mother’s death and I got phone calls all day from everyone expressing love and support.

I posted the news on Facebook, since I have so many old friends who did know my mother and I got many kind words there too. People are coming to the funeral – when my dad died we had hardly anyone there. I know that the numbers don’t matter, it’s who is there and how they felt about the person who’s died, but my friends are coming to support me and I am so grateful.

I have found, in my semi-old age, that pretty much nothing is as important to me as feeling part of a community of friends. No amount of money, no job, no success, all of it is great and I would love abundance and recognition and a beautiful home and travel – and I am so deeply thankful for my life and the connections I feel with friends I’ve known for forty years and friends I’ve know for six months.

Loss is always sad, but as my friend Bella says, challenges come in three’s and I hope that is true. I could use a little rest for awhile. I did just think about next week and what I have to do and for a moment I said to myself, “Maybe on Monday I’ll go see my mother…” And then I remembered that I no longer have a mother to see…except in photos and in my mind and in my heart. And on the stage, when she inhabits me.

3 Thoughts on “Second day as an orphan

  1. Hey, kiddo — it’s Jim. Thinking of you, knowing that no matter how many times you were frustrated, how many times you wondered if you were going to spend the rest of YOUR life with an ailing mother to care for and worry about, this ain’t easy. A big bi-coastal hug and a promise not to let anything get in the way of being one of those old friends you see once in a while, next time I’m in the BA.

  2. “I have found, in my semi-old age, that pretty much nothing is as important to me as feeling part of a community of friends.”

    Robin, to me, this is the secret of true success. I’m so glad that you are being sheltered by a community of good friends during this time. When I think about the practice of Kaddish and when I also think about taking refuge in the sangha, it’s all about community. The friends who are there for you now are a mirror of all you’ve given to your various communities over the years.

    As you lean into your pain as Pema suggests, don’t forget to also lean into the love. It’s always there to embrace you.

  3. Hi Robin, (thank you for visiting my blog by the way)…I am so sorry about your mom…sounds like quite a roller coaster for her these last couple of years. I hope you’re doing ok….Mine died an unbelievable 12 years ago, and I have her in my thoughts every day.Lots of love..Lisa

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